I picked up the phone, and on the other end was someone who wanted to book me to sing for a corporate cabaret event. I was in my twenties, and working as a professional actress and singer.
Up until that point, I had been told what I would be paid for any particular job. The call should have been exciting, and I should have been feeling proud of myself. Instead, I ended up asking one of the most embarrassing questions I had ever asked (and I’d asked a few!).
“How much do you want to be paid?” he asked. A perfectly reasonable question from someone who is hiring a professional performer. I hesitated, and my mind went completely blank. Tumble-weed-blank. “How much do you want to pay me?” I asked.
Self-confidence is described by the Oxford dictionary as: “A feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.” And the key here is that, since it is self-confidence, no-one outside of you can give it to you.
I realized that no matter how much others praise or admire you; no matter how much others believe in you; if you don’t have the “evidence” inside you that proves you’re amazing, worthy, intelligent, talented, exceptional, and safe, it’s like pouring water into a jar without taking the lid off it.
Self-confidence is not something you can change on the surface. Pretending to be confident may work to a certain extent, but your subconscious contains evidence that proves you can’t trust your abilities, qualities, and judgement.
So, rather than trying to act confident, the reliable, permanent solution is to change the evidence! Change the evidence so that it proves you can trust your abilities, qualities and judgement!
Change that evidence, and you will automatically feel a natural, authentic, and empowering confidence in yourself.
How is Self-Confidence Determined?
From birth, the subconscious is constantly interpreting experiences, and then filing the meaning of those experiences — based on previous experiences — to form a structure of who we are and how the world works.
Then, in every moment, the subconscious is referring to that information, and prompting the brain to trigger the organs, to produce chemicals. Those chemicals create sensations, emotions, feelings, and impulses. And the conscious mind interprets those, and acts accordingly.
For example: If I had several childhood experiences that were interpreted by my subconscious to mean I’m stupid, or not good enough in some way, when someone asks me how much I want to be paid, in that moment, my subconscious refers to the “evidence” gathered from those childhood experiences that proves I’m not worthy.
It prompts my brain to trigger my organs to produce stress chemicals, which create feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence in myself.
It is the subconscious childhood memories that are providing the proof that I’m not worthy.
Changing the Evidence that Proves You Can’t Trust Your Abilities, Qualities, and Judgement
In recent years, neuroscience has discovered that not only can memories be changed, but they are already changing. As neuroscientist, Moran Cerf points out, every time you recall a memory, it changes according to whatever you’ve experienced since the last time you recalled it — and you “file” the new version of that memory.
This means that it is possible to choose the changes you make to your childhood memories.
Think of your front door right now, and remember what color it is. Now, in your mind, simply imagine it blue. Then imagine it as being red. And now, imagine it’s yellow. Your conscious mind still knows the real color of the door, but you can imagine it a different color in your mind because your subconscious doesn’t know the difference between imagination and reality.
You were able to change the color of the door because you have no emotional attachment to your front door. The reason it’s difficult to change negative childhood memories is because there are emotions attached to them.
The great news is: There is a way to reduce the emotions enough, to allow you to do with your negative childhood memories exactly what you just did with your front door. To imagine them differently. Your conscious mind will still know what really happened, but you will be giving your subconscious mind different “evidence” — that proves you can trust your abilities, qualities, and judgement.
For example: I changed my childhood memories of being told I was stupid, to where I was being told I’m clever, and “they” are proud of me. I changed the memories of me getting into trouble for not doing homework to where I was praised for getting 100% on all of the work I did in school.
Bearing in mind, while the conscious mind uses reason and logic, the subconscious cannot use reason or logic, and cannot judge something as unrealistic — it will believe whatever you give it.
I know consciously what really happened, but I’ve changed the subconscious references. The result? I no longer have any hesitation charging a fair price for the value I provide. In fact, it’s automatic, and I know (because my subconscious now holds new evidence for it) that I provide incredible value.
To find out more about the science behind all of this, read:
To find out more about how this works, and how you can learn to change your own subconscious references, watch the video below, and visit: