I Stopped Being a People-Pleaser — Using These Two Techniques

Odille Remmert
4 min readAug 3, 2024

For years, I was a professional-grade people pleaser. Raised with the mindset that putting others first and being overly considerate were virtues, I spent a significant portion of my life prioritizing others at my own expense.

This habit became so ingrained that it affected my daily decisions — even while driving. I’d find myself speeding up or changing lanes to avoid upsetting other motorists, worrying more about their opinions than my own safety. It’s a pattern that seems absurd in retrospect, but it was my reality.

The turning point for me came when I realized that my desire to please others was not only affecting my relationships, business, and safety on the roads, but also influencing my interactions and choices in a variety of ways that were far from healthy.

Two key realizations helped me break free from this cycle of people-pleasing and reclaim my sense of self-respect and assertiveness.

Shift in Perception: Kindness Without Compromise

The first significant change was a shift in perception. I came to understand that asserting myself did not have to mean being harsh or unkind. It’s possible to maintain kindness and politeness while still standing my ground.

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Odille Remmert

Author of: "Change What Happened to You: How to Use Neuroscience to Get the Life You Want by Changing Your Negative Childhood Memories"